My spider man app epiphany

I don't know if you're familiar with the term “downloading the spider man app” but we say this when we drop our phone and the screen breaks and looks like a spider web. And you probably already figured: I downloaded the spider man app a few days ago. While sitting on the toilet. How stupid is that?!

I rushed to the toilet before driving home from school and thought it was a good idea to check my messages at the same time. It was not. It slipped and fell on the tiles. At first there were only 2 big cracks and I thought “Well that's shit but it's not that bad. You can hardly see it.” Then I walked to my car and heard these little crackling noises that came from my phone. And I watched my screen break completely.

The first thing I did was write my boyfriend that I broke my phone. As if he could do something about it. Then I sat in my car for 10 minutes, googling if there is anyone in my hometown who would fix my One Plus 3. Because it's not as easy as finding someone to repair an IPhone.

I couldn't find anyone and decided to drive home and think about what to do in the 90-minute ride.

And that's what I did. I started driving and I was internally freaking out about what to do, how I would be able to pay for it, how long I would be without my phone or if anyone had an old one I could use during the time mine would be repaired. For 15 minutes my thoughts were spinning in my head like crazy.

And then I realized how stupid this was. I forced myself to take a few deep breaths and become calm. I thought about it rationally and actually debated what to tell people how I broke it. Because telling them it happened on the toilet would be crazy. And then it hit me.

My phone is working. I can still see through the cracks. I don't have money to repair it. And the question is not how I can get the money to fix it, but why I am so obsessed about fixing it in the first place. The fact that I broke it while using it on the toilet is proof enough, that I'm basically glued to this fucking phone and probably should start using it more consciously.

So I decided I'm not gonna fix it, I'm gonna use it as a reminder to put the phone away a lot more often.

Lately I've caught myself checking my phone without any apparent reason. Just because I do it all the time. When I'm reading, I put away the book to scroll through Facebook or Instagram without even realizing it. When I'm driving I'm checking if there are any new notifications even though the little light is not blinking. When I'm waiting for anything or anyone I'd check my phone. And sometimes I actually ask myself “Why are you doing this now? You just checked literally 2 minutes ago” and then I keep scrolling anyway. And it's actually scaring how much I'm addicted to this tiny computer in my pocket.

When I was in primary school our teacher told us a story. It was about a wise man who got asked how he became so wise and calm. His answer was: “I am. When I'm eating, I'm eating. When I'm having a conversation, I'm having a conversation. When I'm walking, I'm walking. When I'm reading, I'm reading.” And people didn't believe it. They thought he was kidding and said they do just the same. But the wise man said: “No, when you're eating, you're having a conversation at the same time. When you're walking, you're thinking at the same time. When you're reading, you're listening to music at the same time.”

And that story stuck with me since then. And I asked myself, why did I became incapable of going to the toilet without checking my phone. Why am I incapable of watching a series without checking Insta at the same time. Why can't I stay and wait for someone without holding on to my phone like it's a lifeline. Why? It's scary. And I'm gonna change that. I'll work on consciously putting my phone away.

So I decided to start with 3 easy steps:

- don't take my charger to work

- don't carry my phone with me everywhere I go

- don't take it with me when I'm visiting friends

I hope to be able to stick to these steps and I would be super happy if you would join me in this little phone detoxing journey!

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